My dear black sista...

...this is an open letter in response to your letter to fellow white colleagues, published in M&G's special Race edition, September 23rd. Recall your disturbing words by clicking on the following link: http://www.mg.co.za/article/2009-09-23-my-dear-white-colleagues

The most disturbing fact about your article is the palpable betrayal of a deep desire for affirmation from white colleagues. I am tempted to have a collection of Biko's writing delivered at your doorstep within the hour - or perhaps Dangarembga's 'Nervous Conditions'? You think, in moaning about white colleagues not remembering your name, or them preferring softball and cycling to soccer, that you are thereby scoring a non-racial goal against their subliminal superiority complexes. Not so. In fact, this desperate plea for an invite to the dinner table, for perfect enunciation of your name, for mixed social sports teams, speaks to a deep inferiority complex within yourself. Your self-worth should not - as is evidently the case - be so heavily dependent on 'their' approval.

No doubt you set out to write a piece of reflective comment that is intended to expose the social, perhaps even psycho-social, dominance of your white colleagues within your workspace.

Yet, in the end, your piece says more about your own psyche, than of those around you. My suspicion is that the editor of this special edition on Race was caught off-guard: should he/she NOT publish your self-deprecating nonsense, that could be cheaply used as evidence in support of your lame convictions; yet, should it be published - as has now disastrously been the case - then you come out looking rather tragic.... and, inadvertently, us readers looking in from the outside are left wondering how far this inferiority complex extends among black colleagues within the M&G. Fortunately, I have good reason to believe 'not very far', though the generality inherent in the unqualified use of the words 'whites' and 'blacks' will deceive many an unknowing reader into thinking otherwise...

You state:

"Sometimes I feel that you do not see my talents and accomplishments; these are overshadowed by the colour of my skin. I might walk with confidence and a bit of a smile sometimes, but I'm not entirely happy. I lose the desire to contribute fully because I am not sure if you believe in me."

Your self-loathing continues:

"I want you to stop grinning every time we walk past each other. I hate it. I feel like you're pretending. I don't trust you and I always watch my mouth around you."

It extends even to your own dinner invite decisions, you say:

"I did not invite you to a Women's Day lunch at my house. I was tempted to, but simply did not think you would want to come, so I settled for black and coloured colleagues."

Your emotional openness is admirable.

But self-actualisation on the part of us black folk requires letting go of the desire that 'whites' should 'believe in [us]'. I'm afraid your piece occassions the importance of your own journey that still remains, not those of would-be white racists. Of course many of your white colleagues may well harbour some of the beliefs and attitudes you attribute to them. I do not know them, and would not defend them. Anyone living in South Africa without blinkers would also have to agree that there is likely truth in your general sense that non-violent expressions of racism - such as pernicious social attitudes in the workplace - persist. Of course they do.

But the crux of my gripe, and inspiration for responding to your piece, Mmanaledi, is that I am saddened by where you are looking for a 'solution'. Self-confidence should stem from self-belief that you are intrinsically worthwhile as a human being - instead, you are wrongly making Other-approval a necessary condition of having dignity. Yes, it's nice to have folks around us respect us, treat us with dignity and affirm our talents as writers, activists, students, politicos, academics, whatever else ... but the near-pathological yearning with which you are silently screaming at your white colleagues as the sole bearers of such affirmation, must be saddending the black consciousnessness corpse of Biko - and others.

Snap out of it sooner rather than later - lest it costs you emotionally on future occassions, too, as it did in this unfortunate article.

I hope never to pick up such a self-loathing instalment on Race again....

Sincerely,
Black-man-not-in-need-of-white-colleagues'-affirmation